I spend most of my time in front of computer of laptop squandering time on playing games and reading ton of mangas. seems like it has already been a couple of years since i felt the joy of living happily. you know the swell sensation in the heart from over flowing happiness as if it would burst. its been a while since i felt something real. whether its pain or sadness, its been a long while since i felt one. reading mangas bring me those kind of emotions. reallyy... i should get a life.
I have always wondered how my life would turn out if i start to make decisions on my own, to live on my own, without the supervision of my parents. my parents has always been so strict with us, with the curfew and everything even at this age. hell, im 21 years old, working but aren't allowed to be out of the house at night. rebelling is not an option either, we have to comply with my parents rules since i am still living under their roof. would it be better if i leave the house?.
My brothers and i grew up dependent on other people. i myself can't do my own laundry or worst clean my own room. i guess we, eversince i could remember were completely sheltered by my parents. i remember last night while having dinner my father was upset over how the things are in our household. he said we should learn how to be self sufficient since someday when its time for us to separate from them one can only rely on oneself when you start living on your own.
I guess at this stage i admit that im still irresponsible. that maybe, it would be hard to separate from the comfort of our home. i think too that my mom would find it difficult to let us go since she is so attached to us. my mom has no friends. apart from 1 close cousin she has, she doesn't have friends to go out with. her life revolves around us.
I have dreamt of living my life like a captain of its own boat but in reality, i haven't done any effort to change for the better.
I have a feeling that i am meant to start my life traveling abroad or living overseas. i feel, that if i stay here for the rest of my life, i will not grow as a person.
OH well.. i just have to keep on dreaming and hoping, wouldn't i? its not like its impossible to leave. so dream..hope..get the motivation to change for the better.
A photo to take the boredom away of seeing texts
Someday ill be out there to start out my life ..
Rather than getting strained from writing a post, this time around i feel refreshed. it's been a long time since i felt this way. no, its my first time feeling this way.